The Progeny

This is the complete story. Hope you like it!

 

In the beginning there was a Paradise where everything was created in a series of two. This Paradise was operated by a system of duplicate constructions. There was a double of every animal and insect. All the plants were dually mounted from the root, linked as allies and connected with loyalty and love, creating a sturdy family of symmetrical balance inside the ground and above the surface. Nothing could move them and they certainly didn’t want to be moved. The balance of two created an equilibrium of serenity and stability. Even the trees stood grounded with confidence on two feet, entrenched like soldiers in their firmest poses, just waiting for the strong winds of a wandering war to come and try to knock them down.

This was the Empire of the Sun and the Moon. They worked together to maintain their kingdom and to conserve their perfectly synchronized union. They showed no ambivalence towards one another and worked in a harmonious partnership. There was only one rule; an understanding between them both that once a creation was made, it could not be touched or changed; only monitored.

They relied on each other. The Sun was the mother of the Day and ruled with the power of Light. She provided growth, warmth and direction. The Moon was the mother of Night and ruled with the power of Darkness. Her dim and underwhelmed glimmer, evanescently offered the Empire a peaceful slumber and played the role of an alternate sun for all nocturnal animals. The Moon was envious of the Sun, and the Sun was truly confident, if not vain. The Sun created the first of everything and the Moon could only shadow her vision. This inevitably made the Moon start to feel inferior.

Although the Paradise seemed imminent to perfection, there was always work to be done. The Moon continued to make reproductions of the Sun’s creations without hesitation. The Moon knew that any action that went outside the norm would alter the steady union of their empire. Nonetheless, she felt it was necessary to prove to the Sun that she was also capable of creating perfection. It was the Moon’s turn to shine.

Without informing the Sun, the Moon conceived her own creation and planned to birth it forward. In order to follow through, the Moon knew she had to outsmart the Sun even for just a few minutes. By doing this, The Sun would be temporarily out of jurisdiction. This would be the day that everything changed. The Sun had no idea what was coming. The Moon at her fullest potential rose out from her underworld and stretched forth to eclipse the bright Sun. Her momentous strength filled the sky so vindictively, that all the animals and creations below felt a great chill of terror rumble through them. Once the Sun was completely obstructed from interfering, the Empire grew dark and grim. It was then that the Moon created the Empire’s first human. She was female and undoubtedly beautiful. Her hair sable like the darkness of Night and her skin enchantingly pale. She was embodied with all the attributes the Moon could give her but these also included her mother‘s darkest characteristics. The girl, incarnated from the most malevolent intentions, looked up at her mother with devious eyes. She was the first epitome of evil that the Empire has ever seen, controlled by an unknown rage that was handed down from her mother. The Moon looked down at her creation and became afraid of her own child. A greater force was now in control and not even the Moon nor the Sun could save their Empire from human destruction.

While immersed in her failure, the Moon felt helpless and began to descend while the Sun’s resilient determination returned her vibrant brightness throughout the sky once again.  The Sun felt betrayed for the first time but her light burned brighter than ever before.  She looked below at the Moon’s feral creation and felt the somber essence of the human’s impious demeanor. She feared that this human creation would be the beginning of the end.  She knew she must prevent the destruction of the Empire she worked so hard to maintain. This human was unstable and destructive but nothing could be done to remove her. She would be an inescapable threat to her Kingdom. In order to stabilize the wild human, there must be an equal body to balance the original.

The Sun sweat profusely from pressure and anxiety. She needed this next creation to be flawless and so her desperate passion to succeed repressed her ability to think clearly. Her intention was to create an opposite but at the same time make a stronger and superior creation to outdo the Moon’s work .This human was not to be anything like the Moon’s human. After much hard work, The Sun was ready to deliver her creation to protect and defend her Empire. Her stunning design was born. He was a divine production of the Sun. His yellow wavy locks flowed like fervent springs down his perfect face. His intense skin unblemished, gorgeous gold. His heart pumped from the brightest energy. The human knew he was stunning and became conceited. He inherited the Sun’s confidence but he was arrogant and did not care about anything other than himself. He was obsessed with his own perfection and lacked any potential to be useful to the Sun’s cause. She knew she had failed much worse than the Moon. Because of their competitive nature, the reign of the Sun and the Moon inevitably came to an end. They would soon be overthrown by a new kind of regime, one that would dominated their Paradise indefinitely.

The Human Race ruled the empire after the fall of the Moon and the Sun. The Sun and the Moon became slaves and would rise and set whenever they were required to. The Man and Woman ruled their own separate realms and agreed to share equal power over the empire.  The duality of the empire was convenient in such that they were able to divide all of the creations down the middle so that they would both have the same amount of things to possess.  The Woman was hungry for more power but remained cool and collective on the outside.  She continuously plotted against the Man in order to overthrow him but her endeavors were always ineffective. The Man took full advantage of nature and spent all his time near the stream staring admirably at his own reflection, oblivious of the Woman’s scheming strategies.

Inevitably, the Humans mated and the rise of their race populated their Paradise. The first biological offspring to ever breathe life under the Moon and the Sun were doubles, Human twins. The new Dynasty grew strong and the rapid ascension of humanity populated into millions.  These are our roots, sturdily planted inside our history. We are firmly held together by our passion to survive.  We are beautiful creatures bred from vanity, arrogance and vengeance.  We are greedy, self-centered, insatiable, never satisfied. We are successful in producing quantity but not quality. We are the Human Race, racing to rule.

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12 Comments so far

  1.   Pru on November 28th, 2011

    love the whole story even the discription at the end!

  2.   samantha on November 28th, 2011

    Thanks!

  3.   jenny abeles on November 29th, 2011

    Hi Samantha. I love stories of origins (Plato’s myth from _The Symposium_ is one of my favorites: here it is summarized by Hedwig and the Angry Inch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UGaJBv6YSM&feature=related). This one is quite misanthropic, and I agree that humanity deserves it sometimes, but it’s hard to ignore the positives, isn’t it? Art and love and creativity and Mozart and laughter and really good movies… anyway, if you only show one side, your reader might suspect you of simplifying, in wch case, you could lose their trust. We want to know that you can see and portray the complexity of life. So how can you complicate this in a realistic way?

    Another question, what is the Moon’s motivation for her initial betrayal? What does she hope to gain?

    Your writing is lovely, elegant, and perfectly pitched. I look forward to reading more of it!

  4.   samantha on December 2nd, 2011

    Jenny,
    That song is weird. I haven’t heard it before but it’s definitely interesting. I think maybe my message is cloudy but I wanted the tone to be adverse. Human creativity doesn’t play a role in my story. It’s supposed to be simplistic.

    I wanted to write about the beginnings of the human race, although I wanted the humans to be the progeny of the Moon and the Sun’s failure to work together. The Moon and the Sun were good until the Moon got jealous of the Sun’s perfection and the Sun tried to maintain her dominance over the Moon. Humans are just the inevitable result of that failure.

    However, the twins that are born are proof that Humans can naturally create on their own and that biological conception is more sustainable and effective than artificial creations. The Sun and Moon had no idea that animals or humans could procreate and so the moon and the sun become obsolete. Their creations were always identical and gendered the same and so they were foolish. Although the humans were created from bad intentions, they are a strong, unstoppable force that balances the earth. It’s not an entirely positive story but that was my intention. In my story, the human creations are natural and the Sun and Moon’s creations are manufactured and reproduced.

    Which brings me to my questions…

    Question 1: Is my overall message obvious to the reader? What message do you get from it?

    Question 2: How can I make my message more clear?

  5.   saadya on December 5th, 2011

    I kind of agree with Jenny here. Perhaps it’s a personal sense of style, but this story is just too simple for me. The sentences are so simple, not in a way which exudes depth, but rather just a lack of the real complexity that comes with true emotion, in my opinion. You seem to casually take on such intensely complex emotions like jealousy, betrayal, anxiety and failure to the point that it makes it a very hard story to connect to or believe in. I know that part of that maybe has to do with imitating biblical creation style writing, but my question is at what price? The ending also upsets me. I’m not exactly the most optimistic personality out there, but this ending simplistically undercuts any single thing that man has created and ignores everything else. Maybe I’m letting the way I view life get in the way of the story, but I can’t help that, I suppose. There really is good writing in here, but I just can’t appreciate how simple, one-sided and clear-cut you’ve made things out to be here.

  6.   Rachel on December 5th, 2011

    Hey Samantha,
    If you were to write a book of short stories, or even a longer version on this one, I would be one of the first in line. I was a little bit worried about the cliche thing for your first paragraph (with the sets of two), but you won me over very quickly because your imagery is gorgeous without be presumptuous. I am a huge fan of anyone who can use the word “evanescently” without forcing it and looking like you’re showing off. This is fantastic and I think you did a wonderful job.
    I don’t know if your questions are for just the professor, but I understood your message for the most part in regards to the Sun and the Moon, but along the lines of the human, I didn’t really focus much on them, maybe because I was so involved with the Sun and the Moon, and therefore missed the other part of the story. Probably has nothing to do with how you wrote it, I just pick something when I read to fall in love with and cling to it. Amazing job 🙂

  7.   samantha on December 6th, 2011

    Saadya,I have never read any biblical stories on how the world began. I’m not into religion and I barely know my mythology. I just like to write and try new things and experiment. I’m more of a poet than a story teller. This is my first story ever. I find it interesting though that everyone else commented on how descriptive my story was but you seem to find it “simple”. This could be because you feel I am personally simple minded but I don’t care to dwell on that. I tried to combine the simplicity of myth with typical issues we as humans deal with everyday. This story is just a story and I’d like to suggest that instead of getting upset over something that you read, try to understand why it’s written that way instead of writing your whole shpeal. I don’t think mankind is only greedy and vain but the story suggests that we are. Are you going to get mad at the story? I mean, if u take a simple fairy tale and analyze it for what it’s really stands for, you’ll realize that it’s not that simple after all.

  8.   samantha on December 6th, 2011

    Thanks Rachel!! I really appreciate your kind words

  9.   saadya on December 6th, 2011

    Samantha,
    My comments about your story have to do with your story, not at all connected to who you are as a person. I think your assumption that I think you’re simple-minded is, well, assuming too much. I understood that you were experimenting and trying something new and I applaud that. As a reader though, I am entirely within my rights to be upset at a story (some authors even like it when you get upset about a story). I can love it or hate it or just feel nothing about it. When you write something you relinquish control of it and have to allow it to do whatever it does for people. Some will like it, some will hate it. It’s just the way things work.
    Also you seem to juxtapose my calling elements of your story “simple” with others calling it “descriptive”. Why do you make them sound like they’re opposites? I would agree your story is very descriptive, but couldn’t it be descriptive and simple at the same time? The two do not seem opposite, or even mutually exclusive to me.
    Anyway, what I said was really already said by the professor, so I’m not sure why you decided to take mine so much more personally.
    Just because I’ve given you some feedback that wasn’t entirely positive (you seem to have forgotten my saying that I thought you’re writing was really good) does not mean that I haven’t “tried to understand why it’s written that way” and does not deserve to be called a “shpeal”. It’s actually just insulting.

  10.   samantha on December 6th, 2011

    Sorry I called your comment a shpeal. I’m defensive because I tried really hard on this story and all i see see besides one positive sentence in your comments is negativity. What I took from the professors comment was that my story didn’t show the positive side of humankind but I clarified that was the tone I wanted for it and instead of writing a typical and cliche story about the beginning of the world, I made it different. You blatantly state that you don’t appreciate my story and that’s not kind. I’ve always supported your writing and I constantly tell you in the blogs how much talent you have.When you thought I called you a coward in your non fiction blog I apologized and I backed off and stopped commenting because you took offense to the way I critiqued your story and now I guess I can see where you are coming from. Rather than rip the story apart calling it a disappointment, I would appreciate supportive comments. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story but I feel like you are very critical.

  11.   jenny abeles on December 16th, 2011

    oops. I had no idea this conversation occurred–my mistake for not tuning in sooner. I hope each of your feelings haven’t calcified into a stony resentment. Let me attempt a peacemaker function…

    First of all, Sam, you hadn’t noticed before this that Saadya is critical? We would all like to hate Saadya for being so smart and so smug, I’m sure, but we can’t because when it comes right down to it, truth-tellers demand admiration. I’m going to be slightly condescending now and suggest that as he ages, Saadya might develop a slightly more velvety touch, but for now, at least we know exactly where we stand with him, and if he says something positive, something about the good quality of your writing, for example, we know he’s not just trying to sound sweet or make you feel good. I like how supportive you’ve all been of one another this semester, but I fear it’s gotten to the point where people are afraid of giving more critical advice, erring on the side of encouragement. Not being completely admiring is not tantamount to ripping someone’s work apart. Everyone likes positive feedback, but once the sting is gone from a critical comment, it is just as helpful (sometimes more so) in helping us to understand our own work better.

    It’s possible that you are each going in different directions with your work right now, trying to achieve different things using different means. That’s fine. The only reason anyone should comment on these blogs is to offer encouragement or to try to advise on how to improve the work. I think Saadya was offering the latter kind of comment, and since he was supporting advice I had given, I can hardly question the viability of his feedback.

    Regardless of my feeling for your story–that its one-sided view of humanity makes it difficult for me to connect with it or learn from it–if you have a strong vision for what you are trying to achieve, don’t abandon that. On the other hand, I have noticed that you are resistant to revision or to accepting my advice for improvement, Sam. After one exercise in class, you said something along the lines of, “My conclusion is that my poem is perfect the way it is.” With complete honesty, I can say that I envy your confidence in your work and since I do not know everything, I cannot say that your attitude toward revision is wrong. I will say that in my opinion, it will be extremely difficult to develop as a writer without a more open engagement of revision.

    This conversation doesn’t have to continue, and shouldn’t if you feel you both will continue to take offense. Reading through these comments, I really feel that no offense was intended by either party. No one need apologize for anything, I feel, though for the sake of our continued work together in trying to publish our work, maybe we could all acknowledge how sorry we are simply that the conversation got to the point of hurt feelings and accusations. For my part, I should’ve checked in to your blogs sooner and done what I could to defuse this situation. I apologize for that negligence.

  12.   Samantha on December 16th, 2011

    Jenny,
    There’s no hard feelings. I did feel offended even though it’s just Saadya being Saadya. I believe that Truth-Telling doesn’t always have to be in the form of smug comments and negative remarks especially in a learning environment. It’s not always helpful. However, that is his way of doing things which not all students will accept with a smile just because he happens to be an advanced writer. I work better in a workshop with peers when there is a mutual respect for each others work without judgemental tones. I was able to give my peers criticism in a respectable manner which I think helped them in their writing or at least I hope so.

    I must clarify though that in my poetry portfolio, I did end up revising one of my poems, so I am not against revision at all. On the contrary, I welcome it with open arms when I see it necessary.

    I’d like you to know that apart from this whole misundertanding, I really did enjoy your class. Hope you enjoy the holidays. =)

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